Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
