Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
