Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
