fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
