I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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