shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize