if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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