I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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