Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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