i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm like, not good at living.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
