You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize