i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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