There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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