this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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