DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
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At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
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All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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