Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
no, he came in my armpit
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
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