You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
