no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
