HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
my liver is dry heaving
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
