the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
