I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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