I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
