billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
