We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize