He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
