Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
