Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
