We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
