Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
