Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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