I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
