hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
