How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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