i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
