You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
