I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
