we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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