i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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