i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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