my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
