you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The power of my boobs compel you
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
