Have you finally orgasmed yet?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
