i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
