Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
