Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
