Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I feel like death gave me a hand job
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
