I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize