somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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