i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
