And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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