Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
