oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Randomize
