its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
