woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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