The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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