i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize