wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
