insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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