I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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