Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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