His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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