I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
