You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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