there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize