does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
