i'm signing you up for texting rehab
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
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