looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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